Q: I've been painting my face in team colours before each game. This week I saw a couple of guys who painted their torsos and I thought, “Wow, cool.” Is it okay to paint your torso and go shirtless?
A: I saw them too. If you are going to paint your chest and abdomen in grease paint, man up and shave or get a wax. Grease paint (especially metallic grease paint) and body hair are a bad combination. The hair tends to clump. Do not attempt to paint your back. Also, be aware that although you may feel comfortable, you are still shirtless, which may limit your access to certain indoor venues.
Q: When you're alone in your car, and the Canucks have just won, is it okay to honk and make that “whooooo” noise?
A: You may celebrate each Canucks victory in the final series, but no, honking your car horn and/or screaming “Whooooo” out the car window while alone in your vehicle is not encouraged. To be honest, it looks kind of pathetic. Find a friend to ride with you if you wish to celebrate. They can also wave a flag or high-five pedestrians while you pay attention to the road. If you are not able to find a friend to ride with you, keep the windows rolled up for your own safety and obey all traffic laws.
Q: Speaking of high-fives, is it okay to high-five just anyone?
A: High-five only the people who appear to be anticipating this very intimate form of celebratory interaction. You are, after all, touching a stranger. The person expecting a high-five will stand facing you, arm bent slightly at the elbow, extending their hand forward, palm facing you. Do not use excessive force when making contact. Do not attempt any kind of embrace.
Q: How many car flags is too many?
A: I don't understand the question.
Q: If I happen to be near a television camera and a reporter doing a live stand-up into the news, what should I do?
A: This may be your one and only opportunity to be on television. It’s up to you to be seen. Wave a poster or a large foam No. 1 finger behind the reporter when they begin speaking. If you happen to be standing beside them, scream into their ear or the microphone as loudly as you can, again, making the “Whooooo” sound. You may want to try to grab the microphone from them. Don’t worry, many of these reporters have been trained to work in war zones and other hostile environments. Ensure that your baseball hat is still on backward when throwing gang signs at the camera. Call your loved ones on your cell and tell them you’re on TV. If you happen to be closer to the camera than the reporter, try to put your whole face as close to the lens as possible. Get noticed!
Q: I know that the City of Vancouver has set up porta-potties in designated celebration areas but there are often long lines. What should I do?
A: Pee wherever you like.
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